How others see you????

Hi,

I have noticed recently that it seems like people are "nicer" (cannot think of another word) since I have lost weight. It seems like sales people ask me if I need help, men wave at me and say "hi", people that I have met before say they have never met me. Before I lost weight, it seemed, for example that sales people would turn away when I looked at them and other times felt I was avoided.

It makes me sad/mad when I think about it. I am the same person as I was before. It also wants me to give my old self a huge hug because I was still OK when I was heavier.

I, myself, realize that I am smaller, but I don't see it myself. I still find myself going to the "women's" department first, then reminding myself I'm in another department now. Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled that I have lost weight - it just makes me sad to realize that I was probably right and was ignored because of my size.

Thanks for listening!

Lynn

I was bothered by that at first too. Co-workers who didn't have the time of day for me were suddenly inviting me to their social gatherings. Salespeople wanted to help me. I was a person again.

It goes away with time as you adjust to the new you. But it really does remind you how much fat bias there is out there.

others see me as skinny but I still think my butt is plenty big. I hold up my jeans and they are obviously little and I am shocked,still,every time they go on and fit.

I remember feeling like that when I was heavier...don't know that it has change much ,maybe somewhat...

I was at 2 meetings yesterday.  One group who sees me every month or so all thought I was still losing and needed to stop.  I assured them I hadn't lost weight since Sept and I really haven't.

The other group meets quarterly and because of my knee, I had missed a meeting, maybe 2.  The group leader said, you have lost weight.  When I said 100lbs, she thought I was kidding.  I've been doing this for 1.5yrs and she is just now noticing?  It really is crazy.  Some others at the meeting who hadn't seen me in a while were surprised too.  Somehow, the last 20 or so pounds seems to be what folks see.  So those of you at the beginning of your journey, worry not.  Pretty soon they will have this ah ha moment and you will be skinny.  Then be ready because the next week they will say you have lost too much. 

Lynn,
I noticed what you are saying also.  I took a good look at myself and I have noticed that I am now more open to people talking to me and being around a group.  I don't find myself trying to hide behind my husband anymore.  I still don't like large groups, but am becoming much more comfortable just being me.  I'll probably always be shy, but that's ok.

It took me forever to see the smaller me.  I still can't see it sometimes.  I would be walking in front a window and catch my reflection and think who is that and then notice that it was me!!  When I was clothes sometimes and fold mine, I can't believe I'll be able to fit into them.  I laugh sometimes and think I am turning into my mother - I love having my picture made now.

Linda

 Lynn,

I notice that too and agree it is sad, but not really unexpected.  Then again, I really do think I have become more outgoing since losing the weight.

I was talking to my friend the other night.  He's a medical resident but used to be my personal trainer and he thinks I look great.  I pointed out that I was only about 15 pounds lighter than when he trained me (gained 50 after we stopped.)  But he said I move differently and I think he's right about that.

There is definitely something to the concept of feeling better in our new bodies, even if we don't really "see" it all the time.

Janet

Yes... its true... I've noticed it too.  You may be feeling a little more confident in yourself too... so eye contact, etc could be making a difference too...  but... unfortunately the obese are discriminated against.  I've noticed too that people who didn't really have the time of day for me are nice, etc 

Just keep doing what you're doing.  Nothing we can really do to change how others react and perceive us. 

We were talking about this at the support group that I attend. I think there is a definite bias against obese people in our society, but I have noticed the increased attention from strangers. People who have known me for years, treat me with the same respect that they always have. I think what has changed, is that I am more open and have more of a lightness to my step. I think people pick up on that. I don't feel as invisible as I once did.

I also pick up my jeans some days and wonder, how in the world will I ever fit into them, and they fit.

gail

About five years ago I lost a lot of weight.  I too noticed how people seemed to see me all of the sudden.  Needless to say I gained it all back plus. 

After regaining my weight, I was at a function and ran into someone who is a family friend, who I have met at least fifteen times over the years.  She looked at me standing next to my family, who she knows and called me by the wrong name and asked what my name was again?  I was embarrassed and mad. 

But I simply reintroduced myself.  I decide to ignore people who can only build themselves up, by tearing someone else down.

I know this post is a couple of days old but just had to comment.
I mentioned that people treated me differently since I lost weight. My husband says that it is very much because I AM different. He says that the increased confidence I feel is readily apparent even when I think I am just walking around a shopping mall. He pointed out that even larger and obese people who for what ever reason have a good self esteem and confidence are treated like someone who isn't large for the most part.  I have a freind that is about 90 pounds overweight. She doesn't mind exactly and frequently says her body misperception is that she still sees herself as " one hot momma". She says no one ever treats her differently from her small freinds even when she is out on the town. I kind of agree with him and her.  I don't think I looked people in the eye. If someone even started to smile at me I either thought it was intended for someone behind me or that they were making fun of me. I certainly didn't approach a salesperson with confidence or assertiveness. According to my husband I have become more like the high school and college girl he knew and fell in love with. He believes that my perception that people treat me better is a reality however it is a result of me being more confident and liking myself more.
That being said I still think of myself as fat. I look in the mirror and all I see is the weight I still want to lose. I even don't pick myself out of a group photo without really trying. The other day shortly after my daughter and her family had been with us for a visit  I was doing laundry. I took jeans out of the dryer, folded them and took them into the other room where my husband was. I told him that DD had left her jeans behind. I held them up. He laughed, told me I was crazy and pointed out that those were my jeans. He had to convince me to look at the tag and in fact, THEY WERE MINE!
I am not sure when this distorted body image will go away.